Having lived in Pune all my life, I have always felt safe and secure in this Maratha city. All this changed on 13 February 2010 which will forever be marked as a red-letter day for Pune. Its the day we as Puneites realised that we not only have army and air force presence but also the dark lurking presence of sleeper cells in our city. Its the day we rudely awoke to the fact that our city is on the list just as much as metros, that our regular cup of tea (in this case Iranian tea/ginger lemon tea pot,etc) sipped in a quaint, idyllic, roadside cafe could cost us dearly, that high alerts received from the Indian intelligence/police patrolling will not save us from impending terror attacks and so on.
My 24 year old neighbour- Vikas Tulsiani breathed his last on 21 February 2010 after fighting for his life for more than a week. This post is my way of giving tribute to this guy who was oblivious to the fact that he would have to pay for his meal at German Bakery with his life. Vikas was one of the nicest and mild mannered guys I had ever come across. It is pointless to really ask why God fated him to be in the wrong place at the wrong time that day.
Glancing through the list of people who succumbed to their injuries (16 at last count), it was obvious that 99% comprised of young students who were on the brink of new careers. Vikas himself had received his graduation certificate on the ill-fated 13th morning and had been comtemplating pursuing a career in sound engineering. What is enraging about all this is - you had innocent, regular people like you and me, who did nothing foolhardy to deserve to meet their end or have their limbs amputated or suffer above 30% burns.
The important questions to ask now are:-
- Will the sacrifices of innocent citizens be honoured by punishing these terrorists? Or will these terror perpetrators wind up colling their heels in jail awaiting a trial despite their heinous crimes?
- Will there be a continuing lack of preparedness to counter future attacks?
- Will there be a lack of political resolve to reassure people that their lives are precious?
- Will Intelligence Agencies continue to under-inform and take no heed of information gathered earlier? (Mr. Headley had done a recce of areas barely 100 m from German Bakery just a few months ago) Further, will our revered Home Minister conceal the glaring gaffes of his police force in reacting to such information and elude the mention of their responsibility to protect the city.
Public defiance to such attacks has to survive the onslaught of time or else these painful memories wane eventually, leaving us just as vulnerable as before.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Power of Paranormally sub-standard movie reviews!
The object of my ire and which has induced me into writing this entry is the absolutely misleading review for a movie called 'Paranormal Activity'(from the stable of Paramount)(!!!!). Touted to be one of the scariest and well directed horror movies - this one had reviews promising the moon and more. It released in India, months after its international release (recently), and going by the reviews and the numbers (the sleeper hit has generated $100 million in the US alone) and being a horror flick afficinado- I was excited to watch it.
The last horror movie I had seen on 70 mm was the poor sequel- Ring 2. Call me weird, but I prefer the offbeat, unconventional horror movies with unpredictable twists in the end to the gory, bloody, inane movies in which some banshee/ demonic psycho kills everyone in a sequence.
Cases in point of the former- Psycho, Sixth Sense ,the totally underrated Nicole Kidman movie-The Others .
Cases in point of the latter- The Scream , I know what you did last summer, will do (and all the permutations of that one that the franchise can come up with) series.
And how I digress- coming back to this movie (if we can call this futile amateur attempt a movie). I dedicate this post to this ‘movie’ because , well I am PISSED OFF! - pissed at the 'movie'makers and pissed at reviewers who got me all excited to watch this shoddy excuse for a horror movie and wasted my precious time. And for whoever reads this by some miraculous chancing upon, I would have succeeded in my mission to not mislead anymore gullible,hopeful viewers and saved them from contributing towards the revenue of this 'movie'.
Background of movie-
An independent film written and directed by Oren Peli, it premiered at the Screamfest Film Festival ( I screamed in the agony of realizing it did not live up to its hype) , and was shown at the Slamdance Film Festival (wish the critics had slammed this film!). It is modestly made on a budget of $ 15,000 (oh…this shows!)
The ‘movie’ (inspired apparently by a true story) centers around a young couple, well-endowed Katie (the victim) and scrawny but brave Micah, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. Micah decides to purchase a camera to record the haunting episodes during the nights. All the night occurrences are captured on tape and every morning the couple view the audiovisual recordings to identify new evidence. The only thumbs up with respect to this ‘movie’ is that the idea is fresh and for once clichés that the horror genre are usually afflicted with are avoided. There are no heavy thudding footsteps, ghosts with graphic facial disfigurations and sudden explosive sound effects. So for a minute , you are influenced into believing that the ‘movie’ attempts to raise the bar of fear only to realize that the director misses the bar completely. An example of a well conceived idea gone horribly wrong in execution.
Reasons why this movie invites my wrath and scathing criticism:-
-The film is shot with a constantly moving camera and rough around the edges framing, which gives the feel of a video shot at home (this and the fact that there are only 2 beings for 99% of the length of the film explains the miniscule budget).
-As mentioned above, a series of nights are filmed . I sat through expecting some terrifying moments every night. However, the audience is treated to only one eventful night in particular. The rest of the episodes on the remaining nights barely showcase a slight opening of the door, curtains moving, footprints appearing out of nowhere, doors slamming shut and opening, creaking,etc. None of these being the kind to give your spine a chill and before you know it, its morning in the movie and it hits you that 4 mins of film was wasted on that.
- There are no chilly moments in the movie that cause you to hold on to the armrest of your seat for life. No horror chutzpah!L Impossible deadlines at work, the minutes spent before the CA result flashes on the computer screen, clingy needy boys/men, not being able to find the right fitting jeans or the perfect New Year dress, my brother’s 360 degree spins in his car -have to be honest scared me much more than this lame ‘movie’.
- By the end of the ‘movie’, you can predict who is going to be the victim finally. This especially sucks because one always expects something so unexpected that it should blow one’s brains away and make one want to rewind the whole movie in one’s head to see how this turn of events did not seem logical while watching the movie.
I went home pissed off but slept peacefully like a baby! So I really don’t get why its reported that people had trouble sleeping for weeks after watching this movie – I continue to sleep just fine-thank you very much.
Now, the real horror is that Paramount has hired Saw VI director Kevin Greutert to create the follow-up for an October 22, 2010 release.(For their sake, I hope they get it right this time)
P.S- Just saw the trailers of Phoonk 2 – now that looks like it could scare. Will keep you posted.
The last horror movie I had seen on 70 mm was the poor sequel- Ring 2. Call me weird, but I prefer the offbeat, unconventional horror movies with unpredictable twists in the end to the gory, bloody, inane movies in which some banshee/ demonic psycho kills everyone in a sequence.
Cases in point of the former- Psycho, Sixth Sense ,the totally underrated Nicole Kidman movie-The Others .
Cases in point of the latter- The Scream , I know what you did last summer, will do (and all the permutations of that one that the franchise can come up with) series.
And how I digress- coming back to this movie (if we can call this futile amateur attempt a movie). I dedicate this post to this ‘movie’ because , well I am PISSED OFF! - pissed at the 'movie'makers and pissed at reviewers who got me all excited to watch this shoddy excuse for a horror movie and wasted my precious time. And for whoever reads this by some miraculous chancing upon, I would have succeeded in my mission to not mislead anymore gullible,hopeful viewers and saved them from contributing towards the revenue of this 'movie'.
Background of movie-
An independent film written and directed by Oren Peli, it premiered at the Screamfest Film Festival ( I screamed in the agony of realizing it did not live up to its hype) , and was shown at the Slamdance Film Festival (wish the critics had slammed this film!). It is modestly made on a budget of $ 15,000 (oh…this shows!)
The ‘movie’ (inspired apparently by a true story) centers around a young couple, well-endowed Katie (the victim) and scrawny but brave Micah, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. Micah decides to purchase a camera to record the haunting episodes during the nights. All the night occurrences are captured on tape and every morning the couple view the audiovisual recordings to identify new evidence. The only thumbs up with respect to this ‘movie’ is that the idea is fresh and for once clichés that the horror genre are usually afflicted with are avoided. There are no heavy thudding footsteps, ghosts with graphic facial disfigurations and sudden explosive sound effects. So for a minute , you are influenced into believing that the ‘movie’ attempts to raise the bar of fear only to realize that the director misses the bar completely. An example of a well conceived idea gone horribly wrong in execution.
Reasons why this movie invites my wrath and scathing criticism:-
-The film is shot with a constantly moving camera and rough around the edges framing, which gives the feel of a video shot at home (this and the fact that there are only 2 beings for 99% of the length of the film explains the miniscule budget).
-As mentioned above, a series of nights are filmed . I sat through expecting some terrifying moments every night. However, the audience is treated to only one eventful night in particular. The rest of the episodes on the remaining nights barely showcase a slight opening of the door, curtains moving, footprints appearing out of nowhere, doors slamming shut and opening, creaking,etc. None of these being the kind to give your spine a chill and before you know it, its morning in the movie and it hits you that 4 mins of film was wasted on that.
- There are no chilly moments in the movie that cause you to hold on to the armrest of your seat for life. No horror chutzpah!L Impossible deadlines at work, the minutes spent before the CA result flashes on the computer screen, clingy needy boys/men, not being able to find the right fitting jeans or the perfect New Year dress, my brother’s 360 degree spins in his car -have to be honest scared me much more than this lame ‘movie’.
- By the end of the ‘movie’, you can predict who is going to be the victim finally. This especially sucks because one always expects something so unexpected that it should blow one’s brains away and make one want to rewind the whole movie in one’s head to see how this turn of events did not seem logical while watching the movie.
I went home pissed off but slept peacefully like a baby! So I really don’t get why its reported that people had trouble sleeping for weeks after watching this movie – I continue to sleep just fine-thank you very much.
Now, the real horror is that Paramount has hired Saw VI director Kevin Greutert to create the follow-up for an October 22, 2010 release.(For their sake, I hope they get it right this time)
P.S- Just saw the trailers of Phoonk 2 – now that looks like it could scare. Will keep you posted.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The much delayed Bachelorette Party- Part II
I must start off from where I ended last and not procastrinate any further or Mitali would be settled in her new home in DC by the time I get to this.
A quick recap- Our much envied, pompous and grandiose Goa bachelorette plan backfired and how!!!
Mansi and me decided to resign ourselves to this fact and make do with a dinner and dancing theme in Pune itself. What we had not accounted for is our emotionally unstable Bridezilla aka Mitali having her first tantrum.
I was disturbed from my sleep by a panicky Mansi who claimed Mitali had been bawling all afternoon about how the Gods hated her and how we did too as we had completely canned having any bachelorette party. She was hurt by our insensitivity to hold a ‘lame’ dinner instead of a ‘wild’ party. Oh well- now we had to do something…and soon coz the weekend was just 2 days away.
Mansi and me juggled with the idea of putting Mitali through some more emotional torture and telling her nothing of what we were upto. Circumstances and the bridezilla’s tears forced us to tell her ‘ Shut up already, we are having a party for you but you better behave surprised’.
It was Thursday evening and we had everything left to plan for. We jotted down stuff that we needed :-
1) Fur stoles
2) Tiara
3) Poster of topless guy
4) Suggestive cake (seemed impossible at the time)
5) T-shirts for all the hens
6) Tiny dress for the bride to be
7) Strippers (in Pune, good luck finding one!)
The good thing about having a wild party in Goa is we out of towners did not have to care much while asking locals for the above items. When your faced with the prospect of finding these things in your own city, it leads to quite some discomfort, as Mansi and me would soon discover.
1. Our first stop was a lingerie store where we asked the attendant for some fur stoles- We got everything from feather lingerie, some weird S & M inspired stuff to even fur underwear. Finally, the guy got us some fur stoles from the stock room. We picked up an inky blue one and Mansi decided to wrap it around like a snake and walk across to the cash counter. I could feel all eyes in the store on us. Add to that, Mansi and me just could not believe how we found the stole in the first shop itself and we giggled uncontrollably. (The fur stole eventually leaked color and everyone at the party ended up with ink blue stains on their face)
2. Our search for tiaras landed us in gaudy stores adorned with artificial jewellery. Attendants presented us ‘ugh’ly blingy crowns that just screamed ‘Miss Ulhasnagar 2009’. We rummaged and managed to find a subtle headband with a tiara mounted on it. Simple and sweet.
3. Poster of topless guy- ahhh! Before you get any weird ideas- this was just for a wicked game of ‘Pin the %#!* on the guy’. As corny as it sounds, Mansi and me thought this would be really easy given that there are Hindi film actors who pose topless for their posters 99% of the time. However, these statistics failed us on that very day and we were left to enter every shop and ask rather unabashedly for topless posters. As out dratty luck would have it, we could not even find the posters of the perennially topless actor Salman Khan. We even tried to convince sports shop owners to part with old posters hung in their showrooms. You would think people would part with ages old posters willingly but they just gave us the look of shame. Our wild goose chase ended in a shady basement store and we were rewarded with a poster of Cristiano Ronaldo. (Might I add- after all the painstaking efforts and embarrassment endured for this, we actually forgot to play this game!!!)
4. Suggestive cake- As moral citizens of this city Pune, this posed a particular challenge for Mansi and me as this item could not be requested from the normal bakeries we go to. By some stroke of luck, Mansi’s friend opened a new bakery just the same weekend we were facing a conundrum of where to get the cake from. And while Mansi mentioned her dilemma in passing, her friend promptly called her head chef and said (I quote) “ Bhaiyaji, ek naughty cake lagega. Aap bana sakte ho?” Inane as it sounds, the chef did a fabulous job with the ‘naughty’ (never fails to crack me up) cake and well I cant really mention the shape/the message/ the things we made the bride to be do. In the end, arranging for this cake really turned out to be a piece of cake, pun intended.
5. T-shirts for all the hens- This was the easiest item on the agenda as there was a very co-operative and participative guy based in SGS mall to help with this. He sportingly sat through sessions of Mitali giving him customized nicknames and messages for each person.
6. Tiny dress- Not hard at all considering the hemlines these days. We bought the perfect baby pink princess dress for Mitali.
7. Strippers- As expected, this one on the wish list just could not be fulfilled. We did have some sporting male friends (Mansi’s) drop in but they developed cold feet last minute.
Of course, what happened at the party stays with the invitees of the party. But it was indeed a memorable party (Mitali’s item numbers on Disco Dancer and Beedi deserve special mention here).
Circa 2010- Bridezilla turned out to be quite the perfect bride and must be at this moment as I write these very words, settling down into wedded bliss and domesticity.
Loads of love and happiness to Mitali and Harsh.
A quick recap- Our much envied, pompous and grandiose Goa bachelorette plan backfired and how!!!
Mansi and me decided to resign ourselves to this fact and make do with a dinner and dancing theme in Pune itself. What we had not accounted for is our emotionally unstable Bridezilla aka Mitali having her first tantrum.
I was disturbed from my sleep by a panicky Mansi who claimed Mitali had been bawling all afternoon about how the Gods hated her and how we did too as we had completely canned having any bachelorette party. She was hurt by our insensitivity to hold a ‘lame’ dinner instead of a ‘wild’ party. Oh well- now we had to do something…and soon coz the weekend was just 2 days away.
Mansi and me juggled with the idea of putting Mitali through some more emotional torture and telling her nothing of what we were upto. Circumstances and the bridezilla’s tears forced us to tell her ‘ Shut up already, we are having a party for you but you better behave surprised’.
It was Thursday evening and we had everything left to plan for. We jotted down stuff that we needed :-
1) Fur stoles
2) Tiara
3) Poster of topless guy
4) Suggestive cake (seemed impossible at the time)
5) T-shirts for all the hens
6) Tiny dress for the bride to be
7) Strippers (in Pune, good luck finding one!)
The good thing about having a wild party in Goa is we out of towners did not have to care much while asking locals for the above items. When your faced with the prospect of finding these things in your own city, it leads to quite some discomfort, as Mansi and me would soon discover.
1. Our first stop was a lingerie store where we asked the attendant for some fur stoles- We got everything from feather lingerie, some weird S & M inspired stuff to even fur underwear. Finally, the guy got us some fur stoles from the stock room. We picked up an inky blue one and Mansi decided to wrap it around like a snake and walk across to the cash counter. I could feel all eyes in the store on us. Add to that, Mansi and me just could not believe how we found the stole in the first shop itself and we giggled uncontrollably. (The fur stole eventually leaked color and everyone at the party ended up with ink blue stains on their face)
2. Our search for tiaras landed us in gaudy stores adorned with artificial jewellery. Attendants presented us ‘ugh’ly blingy crowns that just screamed ‘Miss Ulhasnagar 2009’. We rummaged and managed to find a subtle headband with a tiara mounted on it. Simple and sweet.
3. Poster of topless guy- ahhh! Before you get any weird ideas- this was just for a wicked game of ‘Pin the %#!* on the guy’. As corny as it sounds, Mansi and me thought this would be really easy given that there are Hindi film actors who pose topless for their posters 99% of the time. However, these statistics failed us on that very day and we were left to enter every shop and ask rather unabashedly for topless posters. As out dratty luck would have it, we could not even find the posters of the perennially topless actor Salman Khan. We even tried to convince sports shop owners to part with old posters hung in their showrooms. You would think people would part with ages old posters willingly but they just gave us the look of shame. Our wild goose chase ended in a shady basement store and we were rewarded with a poster of Cristiano Ronaldo. (Might I add- after all the painstaking efforts and embarrassment endured for this, we actually forgot to play this game!!!)
4. Suggestive cake- As moral citizens of this city Pune, this posed a particular challenge for Mansi and me as this item could not be requested from the normal bakeries we go to. By some stroke of luck, Mansi’s friend opened a new bakery just the same weekend we were facing a conundrum of where to get the cake from. And while Mansi mentioned her dilemma in passing, her friend promptly called her head chef and said (I quote) “ Bhaiyaji, ek naughty cake lagega. Aap bana sakte ho?” Inane as it sounds, the chef did a fabulous job with the ‘naughty’ (never fails to crack me up) cake and well I cant really mention the shape/the message/ the things we made the bride to be do. In the end, arranging for this cake really turned out to be a piece of cake, pun intended.
5. T-shirts for all the hens- This was the easiest item on the agenda as there was a very co-operative and participative guy based in SGS mall to help with this. He sportingly sat through sessions of Mitali giving him customized nicknames and messages for each person.
6. Tiny dress- Not hard at all considering the hemlines these days. We bought the perfect baby pink princess dress for Mitali.
7. Strippers- As expected, this one on the wish list just could not be fulfilled. We did have some sporting male friends (Mansi’s) drop in but they developed cold feet last minute.
Of course, what happened at the party stays with the invitees of the party. But it was indeed a memorable party (Mitali’s item numbers on Disco Dancer and Beedi deserve special mention here).
Circa 2010- Bridezilla turned out to be quite the perfect bride and must be at this moment as I write these very words, settling down into wedded bliss and domesticity.
Loads of love and happiness to Mitali and Harsh.
Friday, November 20, 2009
The Ambitious Bachelorette Party Plan!
The background:
November 2008- Tiny, overdramatic but adorbable girl Mitali meets suave, charming US boy Harsh over pasta. They bond over lots of cheese and conversation.
December 2008- April 2009- Harsh proves to be persistent and manages to sweep the entire Munshi clan off their feet (Ba included).
May 2009- Mitali flies with her family to the US and gets hitched to Harsh. The wedding date is set for 3 January 2010.
As the parents kickstarted the wedding preparations, Mitali’s younger sister and my partner in crime Mansi and me started with blueprints forthe bachelorette party.
The party had to be kick ass as the game of one-upmanship had already begun with the ‘ladke waale’. Post the release of ‘Hangover’ , the groom to be revealed his trump card and his grand plans of hosting his bachelor party in Las Vegas…GRRR!!
Tempted as we were to attend Harsh’s party instead, we solemnly decided to try to get as close in awesomeness to his Vegas bash. The venue was a no-brainer really. Which is the one place in India that could be as great as Vegas with the sun, sand, booze and gambling………..GO GOA!! We hatched a brilliant three day plan much to Harsh’s dismay. I guess he must have really cursed our plans with absolute vengeance because what followed was plain tragic..
The dates were frozen- 9th to 11th October. Personalised naughty t-shirts were made for each hen. Bookings were made at beach side hotels. We even managed to get hold of a shady person who could apparently arrange for decent strippers…. (still not quite sure about the connotation of decent here)
Cut down to the week of the much- awaited bachelorette weekend in Goa- the heavens opened up and lashed out in complete fury all across coastal areas in India. Upon channel surfing, I chanced upon the news of how tourists were stranded in Goa, beaches cordoned off, roads blocked and what not. Of course, this was not precedented and had not been witnessed in Goa in years. I immediately relayed the news to the bride to be who was devastated and ready to perform a ‘havan in her bikini’ (quote unquote) to appease the sun gods of Goa.
To answer the question in your minds- the above method did not work and we were left to watch the rain gods work it. Like small kids who refuse to part with their bicycle after just mastering how to ride one, Mansi and me refused to give up on our Goa plan. We decided to wait a while for the calm after the storm and post pone our trip.
However, what followed can only be explained as a global conspiracy to restrain us from Goa.
1) On 8TH October- news broke out of a serial killer patrolling the roads of North Goa and preying upon unsuspecting tourists- especially female. (pleasant isnt it)
2) Soon after- the Goa Express derails (did I forget to mention we were planning to go by train)
3) Very soon after- Minor bomb blasts reported in Margao.
4) Oh yeah and it kept raining through all this.
Now was this a sign or what! Groom to be snickered through all this and the resonance of his guffaws were felt all the way back in Pune.
And this was the reason for the sudden demise of the Goa Bachelorette Party.
But what was more tragic was the devastation and post-incident trauma it put the bride to be through (I told you she was over dramatic)
One heads up for everyone- if you think a pregnant woman has varied mood swings, try a bride to be who’s leaving her nest in Pune and moving to Washington.
Anyway, Mansi and me decided to make it up to Mitali by trying to plan a party in Pune and that’s what makes the premise of my next post.
Coming Shortly……..
November 2008- Tiny, overdramatic but adorbable girl Mitali meets suave, charming US boy Harsh over pasta. They bond over lots of cheese and conversation.
December 2008- April 2009- Harsh proves to be persistent and manages to sweep the entire Munshi clan off their feet (Ba included).
May 2009- Mitali flies with her family to the US and gets hitched to Harsh. The wedding date is set for 3 January 2010.
As the parents kickstarted the wedding preparations, Mitali’s younger sister and my partner in crime Mansi and me started with blueprints forthe bachelorette party.
The party had to be kick ass as the game of one-upmanship had already begun with the ‘ladke waale’. Post the release of ‘Hangover’ , the groom to be revealed his trump card and his grand plans of hosting his bachelor party in Las Vegas…GRRR!!
Tempted as we were to attend Harsh’s party instead, we solemnly decided to try to get as close in awesomeness to his Vegas bash. The venue was a no-brainer really. Which is the one place in India that could be as great as Vegas with the sun, sand, booze and gambling………..GO GOA!! We hatched a brilliant three day plan much to Harsh’s dismay. I guess he must have really cursed our plans with absolute vengeance because what followed was plain tragic..
The dates were frozen- 9th to 11th October. Personalised naughty t-shirts were made for each hen. Bookings were made at beach side hotels. We even managed to get hold of a shady person who could apparently arrange for decent strippers…. (still not quite sure about the connotation of decent here)
Cut down to the week of the much- awaited bachelorette weekend in Goa- the heavens opened up and lashed out in complete fury all across coastal areas in India. Upon channel surfing, I chanced upon the news of how tourists were stranded in Goa, beaches cordoned off, roads blocked and what not. Of course, this was not precedented and had not been witnessed in Goa in years. I immediately relayed the news to the bride to be who was devastated and ready to perform a ‘havan in her bikini’ (quote unquote) to appease the sun gods of Goa.
To answer the question in your minds- the above method did not work and we were left to watch the rain gods work it. Like small kids who refuse to part with their bicycle after just mastering how to ride one, Mansi and me refused to give up on our Goa plan. We decided to wait a while for the calm after the storm and post pone our trip.
However, what followed can only be explained as a global conspiracy to restrain us from Goa.
1) On 8TH October- news broke out of a serial killer patrolling the roads of North Goa and preying upon unsuspecting tourists- especially female. (pleasant isnt it)
2) Soon after- the Goa Express derails (did I forget to mention we were planning to go by train)
3) Very soon after- Minor bomb blasts reported in Margao.
4) Oh yeah and it kept raining through all this.
Now was this a sign or what! Groom to be snickered through all this and the resonance of his guffaws were felt all the way back in Pune.
And this was the reason for the sudden demise of the Goa Bachelorette Party.
But what was more tragic was the devastation and post-incident trauma it put the bride to be through (I told you she was over dramatic)
One heads up for everyone- if you think a pregnant woman has varied mood swings, try a bride to be who’s leaving her nest in Pune and moving to Washington.
Anyway, Mansi and me decided to make it up to Mitali by trying to plan a party in Pune and that’s what makes the premise of my next post.
Coming Shortly……..
IM BACK!!!
I am back from the self-imposed exile/coma. For those who thought that this blog had died its early untimely death, let me tell you the end is not even near.
Anyway I thought today was a perfect day to get back to old beginnings as this blog has just got its ISO 90001 approval from Indiblogger. (taking a bow) I now feel its my duty to keep writing and stop procrastrinating.
I really don’t have much of an excuse for the three month hiatus except that I was not so bored at work (!!!) (which basically goes against the foundation of this blog)
I kept gathering post its in my mind about what I would first write and well here goes nothing…
Anyway I thought today was a perfect day to get back to old beginnings as this blog has just got its ISO 90001 approval from Indiblogger. (taking a bow) I now feel its my duty to keep writing and stop procrastrinating.
I really don’t have much of an excuse for the three month hiatus except that I was not so bored at work (!!!) (which basically goes against the foundation of this blog)
I kept gathering post its in my mind about what I would first write and well here goes nothing…
Friday, August 7, 2009
Eventful Ridiculous Monday!
For all my colleagues and ex colleagues- this one your totally going to get!
For all those who are still up for reading this- you can atleast scoff at how haphazard an MNC can actually be:-
Monday mornings can best be described as drowsy, droopy and just plain dreadful. Why would anyone start anything new feeling like the above. However, in most workplaces like mine, we always schedule new assignments for a Monday.
Which brings me to the biggest farce of them all-Scheduling meetings.
To the uninitiated, these are meetings where our managers get together with a fancy projector and a staff list and decide how best to keep everyone from having any free time. The premise of these meetings being- to make sure every assignment and its team are scheduled well in advance with no overlapping. Great idea right- but unfortunately just in thought! The well thought out purpose is almost always defeated.
I reached office Monday morning at 9.15 a.m for a 9.30 am meeting (after a late Sunday night dinner at Chandni Chowk, that’s just downright admirable.)
I felt really purposeful as I knew I was going to finally start a new assignment- one I had gone to three years ago as a wide eyed intern.
9.30 a.m: My manager’s is known for his punctuality. I wonder what is keeping him but give him the benefit of doubt.
9.40 a.m: I fill my expense claim for the previous client (a princely sum of Rs 2000)
9.50 a.m: Go make myself a hot cuppa ‘chai’ in the cafeteria.
10.00 a.m: Can’t stop thinking about what is keeping my manager. I plan to give him leeway of 10 more minutes and in the meantime download my official mail.
10.05 a.m: Bombarded with mails from my manager , sent on a Sunday , if I may please add!
The mails mention nothing of the client I am supposed to be on. It is for a new startup client-lets call it ‘XYZ Corporation’. The icing on the cake- it’s to be completed in 5 days!!! Wowee!
I read the mail once again to comprehend the goings on-and I observe another colleague (lets call him Roly Poly) marked on the mail. Yay! I have a partner in crime in this madness.
10.15 a.m: I call Roly Poly (after a crazy hunt for his number in the online directory) Roly Poly has no freaking clue what I am talking about but who can blame him- who checks mails on a SUNDAY! To top it all, he is on a client on the outskirts of Pune so there is no way he can make it to XYZ. Right about now, I control my murderous urges.
10.25 a.m: I call my manager who is down with a fever(maybe even swine flu , obviously my call goes unanswered.
10.30 a.m: I call up the client contact mentioned in the mail- No prizes for guessing – his phone was switched off too! Help!!! I am being attacked by Murphy’s law.
I am hyperventilating now! Another manager- ST stops by my seat, laughs uncontrollably and states matter-of-factly-“You should be used to this by now”. Really now!!
I am stumped and I just sit waiting for some call- any call from anyone!
10.40 a.m: My manager deigns to call me!! It’s a breakthrough! He makes me see sense in this totally senseless scenario. I am to go to this client by afternoon he says and Roly Poly will join me on Tuesday. I speak to one of the directors at the client place- sounds like a jolly old man (how wrong I would be)
11 a.m: I leave for the client , situated in the most crowded part of town. It takes me forever to get to the address and when I do, I realize- the hospital its situated at is actually a maternity home cum paedetric ward !
12 noon: I make my way up the stairs (formula:when the number of floors is more than two, result is the lift is always under maintenance) Amidst my climb, I am accompanied by the sweet symphonies of screaming women in labour and noisy children bawling their lungs out. I also get looked at curiously - coz neither do I look pregnant nor am I a child.
I finally reach my destination- the fourth floor – I hunt for a board that claims it is XYZ but there is no such thing. I ring the bell of what looks to be a house. A young guy opens the door and with a cute American twang says “Welcome Priyanka”!
This is my “Oh My Gawdd” moment- was he the same director I spoke to on the phone- the one I thought was a jolly old man. I am embarrassed- the guy does not look a day over 30.
What follows are several OMG moments.
A) The office of XYZ Corp is actually the not so humble home of the cute American Indian director. This has never happened to me- In my tenure with this organization- I have been to warehouses, godowns, swanky glass buildings, run down Government like offices but never, I repeat never, to a Director’s house! LOL!
B) The cutie asks me to join them at a dining table which doubles up as their workstation.(!!!!) I politely decline saying there’s no plug point for my laptop.
C) Cutie placates me by saying “Oh, you can sit in the bedroom. We have made arrangements and all the files are there.” (WHAT!!!)
D) I apprehensively enter the bedroom which thankfully has no bed. There is a small wooden table and chair (the kinds sixth standard kids have at home). The thought that occurs to me is how the hell will my colleague Roly Poly fit at this table. (I was to later find out that it was a sight better than the thoughtJ))
E) I set shop on the table , files and laptop et all. The cutie’s employee- lets call her scientist lady- her 2 year old tot marches in and sits next to me. This really takes the cake. I now have to deal with this pesky tot for the rest of the day who starts with running away with my pencils. Aaargh!
F) The income of this company- Rs 100,000 (!!!) I backtrack to the financials to read whether the figure is in million. Nope-it really is 1 lac. [ my eyes pop out of their sunken sockets]I give up!
G) And the worst revelation of them all- no CHAI is served….now for all my friends and colleagues who are caffeine addicts- I am sure you guys emphatise with what a catastrophic situation this is.
Due to lack of tea, I am now facing a writer’s block . So here’s where I embark upon to discover the best roadside tapri cutting chai.
For all those who are still up for reading this- you can atleast scoff at how haphazard an MNC can actually be:-
Monday mornings can best be described as drowsy, droopy and just plain dreadful. Why would anyone start anything new feeling like the above. However, in most workplaces like mine, we always schedule new assignments for a Monday.
Which brings me to the biggest farce of them all-Scheduling meetings.
To the uninitiated, these are meetings where our managers get together with a fancy projector and a staff list and decide how best to keep everyone from having any free time. The premise of these meetings being- to make sure every assignment and its team are scheduled well in advance with no overlapping. Great idea right- but unfortunately just in thought! The well thought out purpose is almost always defeated.
I reached office Monday morning at 9.15 a.m for a 9.30 am meeting (after a late Sunday night dinner at Chandni Chowk, that’s just downright admirable.)
I felt really purposeful as I knew I was going to finally start a new assignment- one I had gone to three years ago as a wide eyed intern.
9.30 a.m: My manager’s is known for his punctuality. I wonder what is keeping him but give him the benefit of doubt.
9.40 a.m: I fill my expense claim for the previous client (a princely sum of Rs 2000)
9.50 a.m: Go make myself a hot cuppa ‘chai’ in the cafeteria.
10.00 a.m: Can’t stop thinking about what is keeping my manager. I plan to give him leeway of 10 more minutes and in the meantime download my official mail.
10.05 a.m: Bombarded with mails from my manager , sent on a Sunday , if I may please add!
The mails mention nothing of the client I am supposed to be on. It is for a new startup client-lets call it ‘XYZ Corporation’. The icing on the cake- it’s to be completed in 5 days!!! Wowee!
I read the mail once again to comprehend the goings on-and I observe another colleague (lets call him Roly Poly) marked on the mail. Yay! I have a partner in crime in this madness.
10.15 a.m: I call Roly Poly (after a crazy hunt for his number in the online directory) Roly Poly has no freaking clue what I am talking about but who can blame him- who checks mails on a SUNDAY! To top it all, he is on a client on the outskirts of Pune so there is no way he can make it to XYZ. Right about now, I control my murderous urges.
10.25 a.m: I call my manager who is down with a fever(maybe even swine flu , obviously my call goes unanswered.
10.30 a.m: I call up the client contact mentioned in the mail- No prizes for guessing – his phone was switched off too! Help!!! I am being attacked by Murphy’s law.
I am hyperventilating now! Another manager- ST stops by my seat, laughs uncontrollably and states matter-of-factly-“You should be used to this by now”. Really now!!
I am stumped and I just sit waiting for some call- any call from anyone!
10.40 a.m: My manager deigns to call me!! It’s a breakthrough! He makes me see sense in this totally senseless scenario. I am to go to this client by afternoon he says and Roly Poly will join me on Tuesday. I speak to one of the directors at the client place- sounds like a jolly old man (how wrong I would be)
11 a.m: I leave for the client , situated in the most crowded part of town. It takes me forever to get to the address and when I do, I realize- the hospital its situated at is actually a maternity home cum paedetric ward !
12 noon: I make my way up the stairs (formula:when the number of floors is more than two, result is the lift is always under maintenance) Amidst my climb, I am accompanied by the sweet symphonies of screaming women in labour and noisy children bawling their lungs out. I also get looked at curiously - coz neither do I look pregnant nor am I a child.
I finally reach my destination- the fourth floor – I hunt for a board that claims it is XYZ but there is no such thing. I ring the bell of what looks to be a house. A young guy opens the door and with a cute American twang says “Welcome Priyanka”!
This is my “Oh My Gawdd” moment- was he the same director I spoke to on the phone- the one I thought was a jolly old man. I am embarrassed- the guy does not look a day over 30.
What follows are several OMG moments.
A) The office of XYZ Corp is actually the not so humble home of the cute American Indian director. This has never happened to me- In my tenure with this organization- I have been to warehouses, godowns, swanky glass buildings, run down Government like offices but never, I repeat never, to a Director’s house! LOL!
B) The cutie asks me to join them at a dining table which doubles up as their workstation.(!!!!) I politely decline saying there’s no plug point for my laptop.
C) Cutie placates me by saying “Oh, you can sit in the bedroom. We have made arrangements and all the files are there.” (WHAT!!!)
D) I apprehensively enter the bedroom which thankfully has no bed. There is a small wooden table and chair (the kinds sixth standard kids have at home). The thought that occurs to me is how the hell will my colleague Roly Poly fit at this table. (I was to later find out that it was a sight better than the thoughtJ))
E) I set shop on the table , files and laptop et all. The cutie’s employee- lets call her scientist lady- her 2 year old tot marches in and sits next to me. This really takes the cake. I now have to deal with this pesky tot for the rest of the day who starts with running away with my pencils. Aaargh!
F) The income of this company- Rs 100,000 (!!!) I backtrack to the financials to read whether the figure is in million. Nope-it really is 1 lac. [ my eyes pop out of their sunken sockets]I give up!
G) And the worst revelation of them all- no CHAI is served….now for all my friends and colleagues who are caffeine addicts- I am sure you guys emphatise with what a catastrophic situation this is.
Due to lack of tea, I am now facing a writer’s block . So here’s where I embark upon to discover the best roadside tapri cutting chai.
Friday, July 31, 2009
When did the world turn single - unfriendly!
I was just browsing through my friend list on FB to send a link and this rather sudden realization struck me like a bolt out of the blue.
Almost everyone on my list was attached, in the process of being attached or already married.
When did the world turn into Noah’s ark with everyone coming in two by two. And was I really sleeping through this apocalypse .
Here I am, 24 years old, reasonably attractive, sufficiently smart but bombarded with the oft repeated question- “Are you seeing someone? No, really?! That cant be true.”
To which I respond- No I like to hide my relationship status so that I can enjoy attention from and have tempestuous flings with random strangers.
My point being – why is it such a big deal if I am single. Why is my dating history of as much significance (if not more ) as my qualifications.
I am single as I choose to be single.
Don’t get me wrong- I am neither an avid feminist nor am I embittered by a past relationship.
I really do enjoy seeing people in love but I am willing to wait for the biggest cliché in the book – the elusive ‘right one’.
Its not entirely the majority population’s fault for being pro-relationship- generations are fed on candy floss movies about knights in shining armour and lovey dovey songs that hum happily ever after. We just subconsciously get conditioned into believing we are not good enough if we have not yet found someone to be with.
Here’s what others out there need to know- being single can be ‘sunny side up’. It’s a matter of perspective and here’s mine-
1) You own yourself, your time, your decisions, your opinions. A lot of friends I know lose their own identity in relationships. When your single- your always on a path of self discovery.
2) You do not have to deal with someone else’s grumpy/ moody personalities.
3) You do not waste precious time stroking the fragile and insatiable male ego.
4) You enjoy free drinks, complimentary desserts and less waiting time in queues- Men have an unmistakable radar that can sense when you are single and automatically become very generous.
5) You can have as many male friends without having to constantly justify yourself or tie anyone a ‘raakhi’ just to announce how platonic a friendship can be.
6) You are allowed to be totally selfish- It is OK if you spend your whole paycheque on yourself.
7) You can snicker when you see couples fighting in public places ( or the more commonplace type - couples who go through an entire dinner without speaking a direct word to each other)
8) You do not have to worry about other girls. This also transalates into being in a space where your not jealous or constantly looking over your shoulder.
9) The world is always your oyster- You can flirt, you can date, the possibilities being boundless.
10) Every day can be Girls Night Out (which is way more fun than Guys Night Out- guys night out is just ‘gang of girls meeting up and chatting over beer and maybe poker’)
11) You can watch as many cheesy romantic chick flicks without being pressurized to watch football or play Xbox.
12) You can stay home on a Saturday night if you want to.
13) Last but not the least- By default, you end up spending quality time with your loved ones i.e family, friends, etc (basically people you take for granted while in a relationship)
Disclaimer of Opinion: The irony in this whole scenario is that none of these things matter once you meet the person who sweeps you off your feet. Love is indeed blind to logic!
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