The Power of Paranormally sub-standard movie reviews!

The object of my ire and which has induced me into writing this entry is the absolutely misleading review for a movie called 'Paranormal Activity'(from the stable of Paramount)(!!!!). Touted to be one of the scariest and well directed horror movies - this one had reviews promising the moon and more. It released in India, months after its international release (recently), and going by the reviews and the numbers (the sleeper hit has generated $100 million in the US alone) and being a horror flick afficinado- I was excited to watch it.
The last horror movie I had seen on 70 mm was the poor sequel- Ring 2. Call me weird, but I prefer the offbeat, unconventional horror movies with unpredictable twists in the end to the gory, bloody, inane movies in which some banshee/ demonic psycho kills everyone in a sequence.
Cases in point of the former- Psycho, Sixth Sense ,the totally underrated Nicole Kidman movie-The Others .
Cases in point of the latter- The Scream , I know what you did last summer, will do (and all the permutations of that one that the franchise can come up with) series.

And how I digress- coming back to this movie (if we can call this futile amateur attempt a movie). I dedicate this post to this ‘movie’ because , well I am PISSED OFF! - pissed at the 'movie'makers and pissed at reviewers who got me all excited to watch this shoddy excuse for a horror movie and wasted my precious time. And for whoever reads this by some miraculous chancing upon, I would have succeeded in my mission to not mislead anymore gullible,hopeful viewers and saved them from contributing towards the revenue of this 'movie'.

Background of movie-
An independent film written and directed by Oren Peli, it premiered at the Screamfest Film Festival ( I screamed in the agony of realizing it did not live up to its hype) , and was shown at the Slamdance Film Festival (wish the critics had slammed this film!). It is modestly made on a budget of $ 15,000 (oh…this shows!)
The ‘movie’ (inspired apparently by a true story) centers around a young couple, well-endowed Katie (the victim) and scrawny but brave Micah, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. Micah decides to purchase a camera to record the haunting episodes during the nights. All the night occurrences are captured on tape and every morning the couple view the audiovisual recordings to identify new evidence. The only thumbs up with respect to this ‘movie’ is that the idea is fresh and for once clichés that the horror genre are usually afflicted with are avoided. There are no heavy thudding footsteps, ghosts with graphic facial disfigurations and sudden explosive sound effects. So for a minute , you are influenced into believing that the ‘movie’ attempts to raise the bar of fear only to realize that the director misses the bar completely. An example of a well conceived idea gone horribly wrong in execution.

Reasons why this movie invites my wrath and scathing criticism:-
-The film is shot with a constantly moving camera and rough around the edges framing, which gives the feel of a video shot at home (this and the fact that there are only 2 beings for 99% of the length of the film explains the miniscule budget).

-As mentioned above, a series of nights are filmed . I sat through expecting some terrifying moments every night. However, the audience is treated to only one eventful night in particular. The rest of the episodes on the remaining nights barely showcase a slight opening of the door, curtains moving, footprints appearing out of nowhere, doors slamming shut and opening, creaking,etc. None of these being the kind to give your spine a chill and before you know it, its morning in the movie and it hits you that 4 mins of film was wasted on that.

- There are no chilly moments in the movie that cause you to hold on to the armrest of your seat for life. No horror chutzpah!L Impossible deadlines at work, the minutes spent before the CA result flashes on the computer screen, clingy needy boys/men, not being able to find the right fitting jeans or the perfect New Year dress, my brother’s 360 degree spins in his car -have to be honest scared me much more than this lame ‘movie’.

- By the end of the ‘movie’, you can predict who is going to be the victim finally. This especially sucks because one always expects something so unexpected that it should blow one’s brains away and make one want to rewind the whole movie in one’s head to see how this turn of events did not seem logical while watching the movie.

I went home pissed off but slept peacefully like a baby! So I really don’t get why its reported that people had trouble sleeping for weeks after watching this movie – I continue to sleep just fine-thank you very much.

Now, the real horror is that Paramount has hired Saw VI director Kevin Greutert to create the follow-up for an October 22, 2010 release.(For their sake, I hope they get it right this time)

P.S- Just saw the trailers of Phoonk 2 – now that looks like it could scare. Will keep you posted.